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Beyond Good and Bad
The task of raising Christian children is not about keeping them away from drugs and pre-marital sex. While these are good goals, they fall short of the heart of Christian parenting. The real challenge for Christian parents is to shape the attitudes and thinking of their children with a world view which is distinctly Christian rather than simply moral. The Christian world view involves morality, but it goes far beyond simple rules of right and wrong. In Romans 12, Paul says that the goal of the Christian life involves a transformation of the mind until we can think and behave like Christ. The task of the Christian parent is to shape the mind of their children from the beginning in ways that are patterned on the mind of Christ. Romans 12:12 says “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” This short verse contains some powerful parenting perspectives. The mind of a child must be shaped to be joyful in hope and patient in affliction. Being joyful in hope and patient in affliction is a description of how our mood is independent from our circumstances. Afflictions come in many shapes and sizes. Afflictions can include the loss of a friend, enduring a cold, having to wait to buy a desired toy, or dealing with difficult people. Afflictions can also include the internal struggles that we face when trying to learn a new skill, progress in a sport, or trying to lose a few pounds. The Christian perspective on affliction is patience and joyful hope. A child learns to be patient in affliction and joyful in hope from watching their parents in different situations and from the reaction of parents to the child’s situation. Joyful in hope and patient in affliction is nurtured into the mind and thinking of a child when mom and dad don’t allow their circumstances to dictate their moods. Circumstances are temporary, our hope is eternal. When there are struggles and disappointments, patience and joyful hope allow us to take a confident long term perspective. Being joyful in hope and patient in affliction means that we can acknowledge the disappointment, cry over the struggle without being anxious about the outcome. It means that we can comfort in the moment of pain but avoid lingering in the wallow of selfpity.
Adopting the patient, hopeful perspective also means that as parents we can relax from the need to fix every circumstance and smooth over the rough places in our child’s life. When parents rush to eliminate the pain, disappointments and struggles of their children, they forge a direct link between mood and circumstances. Circumstances are temporary, our hope is eternal. Patience looks to the horizon, while anxiety sees only the moment. Talk about the sadness and disappointment openly, offer a long term perspective to the situation which looks to God as the source of joy and hope, then simply go on with life as usual. When circumstances dictate our perspective on life, we become enslaved to those people and things that make us feel better for the moment. These temporary solutions will never remove the afflictions and disappointments of life, and worse, they will prevent us from moving beyond our circumstances. There are many things in life that parents cannot, and should not, “make better” because there are many things in life beyond their control. The challenge of Christian parents is to train their children to see that joy and hope come from our long term, God centered perspective and not from our temporary successes, struggles, or failures. Circumstances are temporary, our hope is eternal.
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